This past Wednesday I essentially secured that my days moving forward would look monumentally different than current ones. Marcia and I met with our realtor to sign the papers to sell our house. The reason is because we're shedding baggage that holds us from fully following God. We've got a load of debt that is out of sync with our values. The load is heavy and the journey requires only the essentials. The debt of a house is not essential for me. I remember the day Marcia and I bought the house. It was a huge burden. We over-bought before we were ready to take it on. So signing that document was the releasing of what is not sustainable. We're in the process of looking for a rental property to meet our tribe's homefront needs. Signing that paper was an emotional thing to do. We've poured a great deal of ourselves into this place - restoring, repairing, and updating it. It's a 1924 home, so we had our work cut out for us on the front end. Yet, 318 Holloway has been a gift from God for us. We've grown to appreciate the many nuances of this old house: the large period windows of the living room, the beautiful fire place, the sun porch that leads into the main unit, the back deck with views of Mt. Davidson, the large backyard (our kids enjoy it most every day!), the bright kitchen has a soothing effect on you. There are so many little things. It's got it quirks too, but we take the good with the not so... Moving from our neighborhood will be emotional. We have so many friends that we appreciate. In retrospect, I can see that we'd never have met or been friends with any of our neighbors apart from being neighbors. And that is a beautful thing. Being a good neighbor is a very intentional kind of thing. And it's worth it!
Later in the day I sent a letter to our supporting churches and partners that will lead to a career change for me (see our June Update at www.lantow.com). I'm planning to return to school to earn my Ph.D. I would like to teach sociology in a university setting. Up to this point, my professional life has been as a pastor and part-time educator. This next phase will see those two roles flip-flopped. I will teach for my vocation and volunteer as a pastor. Although, volunteer doesn't seem like the right word. I see my pastor role as one of influencing and guiding folkes in their pursuit of God. It's something I do because it's part of who I am. It's a calling. It's not a job I want to shop for, but a role I am living out. So the letter was a proclaimation that I'm entering new territory as a follower of Jesus. I will no longer be paid to be part of God's people. I will align myself with a community of God's love locally and continue to be linked beyond. I will operate in my giftings as my contribution to a greater work of grace in our world. These days are a culmination of the path I've been on for the last 10 years. It makes me remember my first year of being a "professional" pastor back in '96. I quickly wondered if I had made a huge mistake. I became so busy doing the work of the church organization that I was isolated from the community around the church property. My life revolved around that property. And something seemed very wrong with that paradigm. Jesus said, "Be in the world, not of the world." I felt as though I were OUT of the world. Not an option.
IN, NOT OF. That is my mantra. And the documents I signed on Wednesday are indicative of my perspective. I'm making choices that are aligned with my values. It's painful to change. It's sometimes hard to do what you believe. But if you really believe, it's necessary. I hate it when I say I believe but my life shows otherwise. These are decisions of aligning beliefs and behavior. So, here we go...
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