Death

My Grandfather died a week ago Friday. All 29 of of my cousins and me, as well as our combined 20 children called him "Grampy." He was diagnosed with cancer in Nov. and now his life on earth is over. The rest of his life has begun! My son David and I were in Long Beach this week to grieve with the rest of the Lantow clan. This picture is of my Grampy - Jack; my father - David Sr.; his brother - Jim; me - David Jr.; and my two sons - David III and Conor. That is one of the last pictures of Grampy before he died. Four generations of men in a family. What an amazing picture - 4 generations of life; of hope; of Divine image!

This week I was called to come and lead my family in grieving. It was tough to go, but I couldn't stay. It was a most significant time, the spirit of which is captured in this letter I wrote to my father and his 10 siblings. I'm posting it because it was a document rooted in life, hurt, family, and most of all love. I trust it speaks to you even a fraction of what it meant to write it, communicate it, and live it.


January 11, 2006


My Dear Father, Uncles and Aunts:

There is so much to consider with a funeral, but not to get lost in the mix is that a man has entered eternity. It hurts to see him go. Each of us feels the weight. I was considering his death and want to share some thoughts with you. I told some of you that I'm honored to be called on to facilitate the funeral service. In that I have to wear two hats: a grieving grandson and a pastor called on to care for the souls of a family. Yet I welcome both hats. I'm meant for this. In some ways this is the most powerful funeral I will ever do.

We’re grieving together. We are at a loss because Grampy is no longer with us. Grieving is a real part of life. We are saddened, feel fear, insecurity, and anger. It's not bad, just real. We’re supposed to be together in this. It’s healthy to be honest, to cry, and to comfort others. I want to invite you to give yourselves time and the space to mourn and find meaning as your heart heals. Think about what we’re mourning. He’s not with us here today. He was here a week ago, but not today. That’s how it will be from this moment forward. That is sad, painful, and difficult. A generation just ended. He is the last one. Last week there were four living generations of Lantows in Long Beach. Today there are three. What we have of Grammie and Grampy from here on is pictures and stories. We mourn a loss and we should.

We are who we are largely because of Grampy and Grammie. We wouldn't be here without them! Our spouses wouldn’t have us apart from them. God chose him to be your father, my father's father. Think of what in his life we have to celebrate. Good memories. Share them. Tell those stories to each other and to our children who don't know. I see God at work in Grampy's death. He lived a long and blessed life. It was his time to die, and each of us will have our time. There are pivotal times in life when we’re called on to rise above the daily grind to view the big picture. Death is one of those times. In God’s order of life there is great power in the position of father. That’s how God intended it to be. A father has great influence over the lives of his children and their children and their children’s children. That’s called a “Patriarch,” a leader of the family. Grampy was the patriarch of the Lantow Household, whether he realized it or not, and whether we realize it or not. With his passing there is so much to work through. The inheritance he left is with each of us. By inheritance I'm not merely talking about estate. But, I mean Grampy as a man, husband, father, grandfather, friend, and child of God. What did he give us while he was here? There is so much. His every act and decision plays out and will continue to play out in our lives.

Death is an important part of life, as important as birth and everything in between. Sins and blessings impact future generations in powerful ways that can both bind and release. May we each be thoughtful of that for the sake of our children and our children's children. As we enter today and tomorrow without Grampy it's important that we interpret the meaning of his life in our individual lives. This is a divine moment to seize: full of hope, goodness, and release. We are meant to engage it with all we've got. So this week is huge to the future of every one of us who were under the family influence of Grampy.

One day each of our bodies will lie in a casket. How should we live now in light of that truth? Before God, family and fellow humans what are we called to engage today for tomorrow? This is an open invitation to step into God's goodness in a new way. My hope is that we all enter this day fully alive to God with no barriers to His goodness for us. May we bless our children in words and actions every day. May we see life full of the Divine and feel the weight of our decisions and their impact on others. And may we choose to follow God’s way not just make our own. I love each of you and bless you in the name of Jesus.

Yours with much love and care,

David L. Lantow, Jr.