Who I am, not what I pretend to be...

Sometimes I feel more like a little kid than how I look. To most observers I appear to be a thirty-five year old man, husband, father, pastor, and what-ever else. But, inside I definitely feel the same kinds of insecurities and battles that I felt as an eight year old boy. But I will say, I've mastered the ast of pretense, which is required for adequete functunctionality in the world of current. I can put on a grand facade that I have it all together. I can hide when I'm depressed and discouraged. And the list goes on and on. But, at this point in my life I'm coming terms with a reality that I know in my head but its connecting more with my heart: self-sufficiency is a lie. The truth is that I need to let other people deply into my life and more than that I need God. Check this out: "Trusting God with who we are has nothing to do with demeaning our personal value. Trusting God has to do with acceptin who God is and acceptin who we are in the context of God's plan. It has to do with receiving the protection we need to trust others. Entrusting ourselves to God is the essence of the biblical understaing of humanity." Those are powerful words from the guys at Leadership Catalyst http://www.leadershipcatalyst.org/

I have a friend that once said he hoped to be the same person in all of his circles of influence. I think he was speaking of his character. I think we can all fall into patterns of speaking and acting one way at work, while we're a different kind of person at home, or school, or church... Character has to do with who you are inside, and then that person authentically shining in who others see. That is certainly a journey in life. And it's not easy to disregard the baggage of lies, self-preservation, insecurity, and arrogance. Those are just a few of things I'm seeking to shed. How about you? Truthfully, I was going over a journal from 11 years ago, and I listed some of those same realities as my character short-comings. And at moments like that it feels a little discouraging. But, I can also see some progress in other areas: patience, serving, love, and perspective. A great deal to go, but not as far as when I set out... To the journey!